The Daily Assault: "All the news that fits into Han."
This is the real news folks, none of that hard shit.
Celeb gossip is the new Iraq. Why? Because we all need a little
entertainment in our lives and I'm the girl who is gonna give it to
you.
This page is where rumors start, so start spreading them
fast. But, don't hold me accountable when Loho's publicist calls
because this page is my own damn opinion. BOOYAH!!
Gwen Stefani's baby rides dirty.
photo via Bricks and Stones
Gwen Stefani is one of the 10 owners of this ultimate pimpin' baby stroller. Her baby, Kingston, was seen ridin in this thing around London. Ziko Gold is the name of this limited edition stroller by cult British brand Mamas and Papas. They are exclusively on sale for $860 at Selfridges in the UK -- Diddy already grabbed one! According to Bricks and Stones, Gwen loved her gold stroller so much she might design her own line for L.A.M.B.
Jessica Simpson is really nice.
photo via Bricks and Stones
According to Bricks and Stones, Jessica Simpson slipped a fan letter under Christina Aguilera's door. It said that women in the industry need to be more supportive of one another and that Christina's voice and artistry was pushing her. "Hats off to Jessica - that was a cool move," Aguilera said. "It's a beautiful quality to be a woman in support of other women. The world needs more of that."
Sienna Miller is dating Santa Clause.
photo via people.com
Sienna Miller was quick to rebound after final separation from Jude Law. She was seen with a certain Mr. Clause on her arm at the bow-lighting ceremony at Cartier in New York. Mr. Clause even bought her a $12,000 bracelet from the store to benefit the Love foundation, while a sad and lonesome Mrs. Clause sat home only to be comforted by her deer friends (get it dear/deer friends?!)
Vanessa and Nick are secretly ugly and uneducated.
photo via people.com
I found this photo from Nick and Vanessa's Birthday (Nov. 9th) today. Next to it is.. ah HA! The ORIGINAL VERSION. It was clearly rendered in photoshop to make them look glam like celebs should! Also I found out that Vanessa didn't even go to college! What a loser!
Katie wears the pants in the relationship.
photo via people.com
In the the photo above, Katie Holmes is seen standing the traditional boyfriend pose. Only this time it's different. SHE has her arms around Tom. Everybody knows that the guy is supposed to stand behind the girl holding her hips/boobs/whatever, not the other way around.Although, it may be deemed acceptable in this case because Katie is way taller than Tom. Sometimes celebs are so silly. Obviously this was some kind of publicity stunt to get the media going.
Check out the Ugg Art & Soul Auction.
Ashton Kutcher Matthew McConaughey Betsey Johnson Christina Milian
photos via Bricks and Stones
To benefit the St. Jude Children's Cancer Research Hospital, Ugg Australia has celebrity designed boots that will be up for auction starting Dec. 1. Celebs like Ashton, Matthew, Christina, and Betsey have all designed for the auction. Check out the Ugg Australia website to place bids...just keep in mind that those Betsey Johnson's are MINE!
Britney files for divorce!
photo via people.com
Britney finally filed for divorce today due to "irreconilable differences." According to TMZ.com Spears asks for custody of their two children; as for money a source told TMZ that the couple has an iron-clad prenup. I think Brit realized she married a lame D-Lister once she found out his concert at Webster Hall was almost cancelled because only 300 people showed up to the 1500 capacity club.
That very same night, Spears appeared on Letterman in a black mini looking decent... Do I smell a comeback?
That girl who married Travis Barker is crazy.
photo via Splash News
In Hollywood it's the right thing to throw a party after divorcing your husband. Shanna Moakler, ex-wife of Travis Barker, did just that. Instead of your typical wedding cake, guests feasted upon a bloody cake with a Shanna look-alike figure peering down upon her dead husband. If a normal person walked into a party like this I think they'd slowly walk back out the door like nothing happened. I imagine Shanna crying hysterically in the corner, with makeup running down her face, pinning needles in a vintage Blink-182 Travis doll. What a crazy.
Hilary Duff was killed by her stalker! AH!
photo via The Superficial
Well no she wasn't, haha. But, her 18-year old stalker was arrested last Friday after he threatened to kill her. Okay, first of all let's not give Hil Duff the satisfaction of having a stalker. All Disney stars are lame and always will be (except JTimberlake). Don't get me wrong I have no problem with Hilary or anything she does, but I'm sure her stalker just wanted to scare the Lizzie McGuire's out of her.
Kanye shoulda won.
photo via PerezHilton.com
According to PerezHilton.com, at the European MTV Awards Kanye stormed the stage when he didn't win Best Video for "Touch the Sky." As Justice and Simian claimed their award Kanye yelled:
"Fuck dis! (My video) cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it, I was jumping across canyons and shit! If I don't win, the awards show loses credibility. Nothing against you (Justice and Simian), but hell man."
and then shouted:
"I haven't seen (the Justice and Simian video). Possibly it could have been quite good but no way better than Touch The Sky. That is complete bullshit, I paid a million. Obviously it's not all about the money, but the response it got transcended everything, it really made great TV. It took a month to film; I stood on a mountain; I flew a helicopter over Vegas. I did it to be the king of all videos and I wanted to walk home with that award."
More power to him. Who the hell are Justice and Simian anyways? Allll y'all who know me definitely know my opinion on this. Kanye CLEARLY should have won Best Video and he knew it... just check out his sign.
Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe are dunzo!
photo via The Superficial
Reese and Ryan, the most perfect couple ever, separated after seven years of marriage according to The Superficial. Oh. my. god. This is legit upsetting! The one couple that gave us hope that cute Hollywood marriages CAN last. Reese initiated the split due to Ryan's cumulative behavior of being mean and annoying. Whatever, he was cuter circa 1997 anyways.
Cameron Diaz has sweaties.
photo courtesy of splash news
Cameron Diaz has sweaty pits! Everyone point and laugh! Soo embarrasing, I didn't think celebs got sweaties like that. I guess they aren't superhumans like I thought.
Naomi Campbell is a good role model.
photo courtesy of the Superficial
Naomi Campbell is still beating bitches up. According to the Superficial, she was arrested yesterday in London for allegedly assaulting her drug counselor. I applaud her actions. If my name were Naomi Campbell I'd throw punches at all times of the day. You can tell that she don't care none. She's even been photographed wearing a shirt that says, "Naomi hit me... and I loved it." I know I'd certainly love it if she hit me, wouldn't you?
Isaiah Washington isn't mean anymore.
photo courtesy of People.com
According to People, Patrick Dempsey told Isaiah to fuck off on the set of Grey's a couple weeks ago. The two got into an argument over the start of a scene. Finally, he issued an apology today. Youuu celebs, you. Always issuing statements. Us regular people just have to pick up the phone and say sorry to our other regular friends. Youu on the other hand have to call People and make an official sorry statement. Crazy cats you, you always get me... cute lil celebs you always give us something to live for. WE LOVE YOU.
photo courtesy of People.com
Jerry O'Connell not only loves red furry costumes, but he's participating in the Jolt's costume contest! You could be the winner of a trip for 2 to Cancun! More details soon...
(For clarification, Jerry O'Connell is NOT really participating in the contest)
Lindsay Loh likes to wear capes.
photo courtesy of Splash News
According to Splash, at the Tommy Hilfiger store launching in Paris, Lindsay was spotted wearing... this. No matter who wears it, a cape is not going in style. Especially not a velvet one. I know Lindsay likes to set trends and things of that nature - like the time she thought it'd be cool to tie a scarf around her foot, but this is bad. If someone doesn't start taking trendy things in another direction, we're all dunzo.
Ashlee Simpson looks like Drew Barrymore.
Photo courtesy of People.com
Alert the Press! It could just be me but, Ashlee Simps looks oddly like
Drew Barrymore. Ash's plastic surgery is fooling me to no end. First
she looked way like Jessica and now like Drew? Talk about a downgrade.
Also, I'm pretty sure Ash doesn't need two bodyguards following her at
all times. She's not that rich yet.
Nikki from Laguna does coke.
photos courtesy of TVgasm.com, Laguna Lovers, Pink Is The New Blog
Admit it, you watch Laguna. This cast is no first season, but they will do for now. Nikki - Tyler's sister (the one Kyndra was dating) was found allegedly blowin lines. How scandelous! This is like the time we all found Stephen hitting a bong on collegehumor.com! I think it's safe to say the real news is that Nikki needs some serious hair care. It looks like a damn bird's nest. If she wasn't such a hot mess, she wouldn't be completely unfortunate looking. (Who knows where that line is from?)
Bruce Willis's daughter is a lesbian.
photo courtesy of Bricks and Stones
Dear Lindsay Loh,
I just wanted to tell you that I heard that Rumer Willis is in love
with you. Remember that time you drove around Melrose together? Yeah
she doesn't really smoke, she just wanted you to like her. And all
those times you too stopped at Elixer Tonics & Teas in West
Hollywood? SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE TEA. Then you take her to a 21st
Annual American Cinematheque Award event and she tries to kiss you?
Can't you see all the signs Loho... GET OUT BEFORE YOU'RE IN TOO DEEP!
Love,
Han
Fabolous's Street Cred increases.
photo courtesy of Splash News Online
According to Splash, Fabolous (John Jackson) "was shot in the leg and later arrested after a fight at Diddy's restaurant, Justin's." Fabolous is currently in stable condition. Alls I gotsta say is STREET CRED. I wish I could get some of that.
Paris and Lindsay are friends!
.jpg "Paris and Lindsay")
photo courtesy of Bricks and Stones
I don't think anyone really cared that Lindsay and Paris were fighting, but it so happens that the two rekindled the friendship by sharing the $25,000 Sky Villa suite at the Palms in Las Vegas according to Bricks and Stones. The pair arrived through private jet and joined James Franco, Regina King, and George Maloof (Palms Casino owner) at Tao for Michelle Trachtenberg's 21st birthday. Sorry, this isn't very exciting.
Paris and Nicole are friends.
photo courtesy of people.com
After longtime friendship battle, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have been seen recently getting along. According to People.com the pair were spotted at Dan Tana's feasting over ceaser salads and penne in West Hollywood. Continuing their friendship, the Simple Life stars were seen leaving Richie's L.A. home last Monday. The New York Times has stated that the girls rekindled after Joe Murray, executive producer of The Simple Life suggested putting the on a "deserted island with a bunch o survivalists." Good god. It's about time. I would have had an aneurism if the Simple Life 5 had to be filmed seperartly again. Actually, I don't even know what aneurism means but let's all take a moment of silence in honor or the newly rekindled friendship, the fact that Nicole Richie actually eats, and that her sunglasses have remained at a reasonable size.
Kevin Federline is Asian.
photo courtesy of people.com
For some reason, K-Fed always looks like a weirdly tall asian man - with street cred clothes, of course. This picture was taken in the San Fernando Valley on Thursday where Kevy will start his acting debut on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation according to People.com. Maybe his acting career will be as big as his singing career was. And who is that young fellow in the back?
Mary-Kate is still a freak.
photo courtesy of people.com
Is it just me, or is Mary-Kate Olsen bringing goth back. J.Timberlake would not be happy with this one (sorry for the lame joke). But really, is it necessary to wear an all black outfit and hunch over like Grudge-style? She looks like a mini version of that smelly man behind her that no one knows. Well I don't know for sure if he was smelly, but he looks like he would be. Especially if it was hot outside with all that black, they would be double the stinkies...gross. She always dates weirdos too. We should all probably just turn against MK, it's not like she doesn't know Ashley is the better one.
Sienna Miller parties like she's underage.
photo courtesy of Splash News Online
According to Splash News, Sienna Miller was kicked out of Folino's Tavern while filming in Philly. Why you ask? She failed to show her ID and snuck in. Most of us know how it feels to get kicked out or turned down at a bar (unless you're a loser) but let's get real. That's just embarrasing. Sienna even pulled the "Don't you know who I am?" card. Honestly, most people probably don't. You were a minor character in Alfie and you have a bag named after you. Oh god I can't even talk about this anymore it makes me uncomfortable it's so embarrasing. I hope the Times gets wind of this.
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